D1&D2

These 2 days, i didnt feel hungry at all. 

Just... empty. 

This senior at my new school is obviously chasing after me. But he's creepy. And i have absolutely no eyes for anyone else except my bby. 

My only means of contacting him is thru Line.

He Line-called me this morning!! 

I literally squealed and ran out of the classroom to pick up the call. 

So happy to have heard his voice today. Caused me to be soooo high today. He event sent me a picture of a cute Samantha Thavasa bag. I want >< 

But he confirm not getting for me. Siao. So expensive. He nv bring enough money. 

Yesterday was just a blur.. Laying around on bed and thinking about him. 

Sleep isnt good too.

Keep waking up in the middle of the night after dreaming about him. 

Well, i hope he has fun at Disneyland tomorrow. 

Japan - Day 0

Bby went to Japan again. 

Second time he went after we got tgt. 

The previous time was Dec2012. 

This time he's gone for 3 weeks. 

So long right?!?!?!? 

I went to send him off ytd at the airport. 

Was told to reach the airport at 7.30pm cuz his dad having dinner with them 

Then at 5pm, as i was preparing to go out, he was like. 

"Faster come! My dad not having dinner with us. You can join us for dinner liao." 

Cabbed there as fast as the taxi uncle could. (There was a jam near the expressway entrance) 

Joined his mum and sis and sister'sfriend for dinner at Thai Express at around 6.15pm. 

Walked around T3 for a bit before they had to go in. 

 

I couldnt bear to let go of him. I really couldnt. 3 weeks is so long without him. 

I gave him the scarf that i knitted for him. Hope he likes it. 

The rest went in first so i could say my byes properly. 

I pulled him to a corner and hugged him really really tight. I cant help but cry a little. The thought of 3 weeks without him is too much. 

Then, we walked towards the departure area and i hugged and kissed him for the last time before he left. 

And i stood there as i watched him walk in. 

He kept turning back. 

Everytime he turned back my heart broke. 

I want him back. 

I want him back very much. 

I wished his visit back to his grandparents place isnt that long. 

But i cant have him back.

Well, for 3 weeks i cant. 

Couldnt bear to leave the airport while knowing he's still somewhere in the departures area. 

Wandered around, thinking about him, and anxious for the day he'll come back. 

He told me he was still near the staff entrance. I went back up to have that final look at him. 

It was short. Too short. 

I left the airport after that. 

I wish we had one more kiss. 

日本行きたい!!

My bitchy sis actually offered to bring me to Japan. Fully sponsored. 

And all i did was offer her some pickled octopus and wasabi. 

It went like this: 

Sis: "Haiya. So tired." 

Me: "i let you try smth" 

*takes out pickled tako* 

Sis: "whazzat?" 

M: "you try(: " 

* eats* 

S: "OMG SO NICE" 

M: "OMG IKR!" 

S: "Oh yea XXX's sister just came back from japan. 15 days there and she dont wanna come back. Ahahaha" 

M: "please. If its me i wont want to come back at all" 

S: "when's your holiday?" 

M: "dunno. Needa check" 

S: "i'll bring you to japan during your holiday. Fully sponsored." 

M: "Are you serious? I dont have money to shop you know." 

S: "THATS WHY I SAID FULLY SPONSORED." 

HAHAHAHA OMG YAAAY!! 

*\(^o^)/*

Ms lonely.

I admit. 

Im feeling lonely. 

It had never really occured to me, who else do i really have besides T? 

Whenever T starts ignoring me cuz he has whatever stuffs to do, i feel so lonely. 

He is the only one i constantly talk to, always hungry for more affection. 

But once he disappears, i realise i have....

No one. 

I may confide in one or two close buddies, but no one's the same as him. 

He's my lover and my best friend. 

When he's not around, i get lonely. 

Im probably like a bunny. 

Gets stressed up and die without affection. 

Been losing sleep over this for 3 nights already. 

Hope he will give me a bit more of his attention soon.... Before my heart breaks. 

Help

Yes. I love him. I really do. 

However, there are just some things that i wish that he'll do. Or not do. 

But im afraid to tell him. 

Im afraid he'll be angry, and leave me. 

Leave me standing there alone.. 

Just like he once did. 

I wish that he'll hug me. 

Not that he doesnt hug me.

But i mean those kind where he'll wrap his arms around my shoulder and bring me closer to him. 

I mean those kind of hugs, that makes you feel like you're protected from all the bad things in the world. Those kind of hugs that makes you feel...safe. 

I feel like im being taken granted for. Because he doesnt give a hoot about what i do or about my day or anything. 

Normally, when you're in love, you'll want to know everything about that person, no? 

And he doesnt get jealous. Never. 

Im always upset about this because a little jealously shows that you care much for that person. No matter how much trust there is. 

Im always upset, just that shove this feeling of mine aside most of the time. 

A little jealousy on his part will tell me that he still cares about me, and is possessive over me. That im just his and his alone. 

But i never felt it. Never. 

And how i long for it. 

Im afraid, that one day, i couldnt stand the coldness from him anymore, and respond to someone else's warmth. 

He isnt always cold, of course. 

Just 70% of the time.  

AND he throws tantrums. 

I'd always have to pacify him, apologise for all the things under the sun, and cry for him to forgive me. 

But really, im getting tired of giving in to him all the time. 

I want to be pampered. To be spoiled by him. 

Not the other way around all the time. 

I cant bear to lose him though. 

Thats why i couldnt say all these to him. 

I cant. 

Im afraid to. 

Someone help me. 

:<

Well, i've been told by bby that i couldnt spend Christmas Eve with him this year.
Again.

As well as New Year's eve.
Again.

Even though he promised me last year.
Disappointed?
Yea i am.

But should i really be?

He will be spending those days with his family, not some mistress or anything.
He'll be having a staycation at MBS.
Again.

I dont think he'll want to give up his staycation just to celebrate those days with me.
Afterall, his family likes to stay at MBS.

Seems like I'll be spending Christmas Eve and New Year Eve all alone.
Most of it anyways.

By hook or by crook, my present will reach him on Christmas Eve.

For now, i only can hope.

I gotta hold it in.

Bby have recently started a series of event jobs that require his japanese language skill. 

Back to back jobs. 

I wont be able to see him at all until perhaps the 24th. 

We're speaking to each other lesser and lesser, and conversations are super brief. 

He said he'll treat me to a yakitori restaurant at bugis junction after all his jobs.

Of course im happy. But.. 

When can i see him again? 

I saw him for less than an hour today at AFA, since he had to follow his artiste around. 

About 5 mins each time i saw him? 

And it seriously made me miss him like hell. Even more than i did last night. 

Like 100 x more. 

Endure. 

ENDURE, LEVINA. 

Just a bit longer. 

And we can spend time together again. 

Just a bit longer. 

Till i can hug him again. 

Just a bit longer. 

Till he press his lips to mine.

I will endure. 

The pain of missing your beloved. 

The pain of not seeing him on your first annivesary with him. 

Alright im gonna stop before i cry.